NOT! Jaysis, it feels so good to be done with it all. The weird thing is that it felt like finals, only worst, because it wasn't. You know what I mean? There I was bending over backwards for physics? Are you fucking kidding me? (You’re gonna have to pardon the foul language I've been drinking. Yeah yeah sinners repent, and all that bizniz) seriously though physics? Now don't get me right. I think it's fascinating, and while taking the course I've learned a whole bunch of nifty stuff, that I can only use if I ever have a kid and it asks me why the sky is blue or why it hurts to touch fire. Of course that SINario is only if I find a sperm donor willing to reproduce awesome offspring, that won't be anything like the little shitfucks that run around my workplace. Do I come to your office and cry over a goddamn stapler? No, I don't. Get-the-fok-out-of-here!
I'm a little on edge right now, since I've been working all day. Can you tell? My god those customers are a piece of work. I wonder if I’m as bad. If not I’m upping the empy. It’s not just the customers that have me slightly unhinged, I've also been ready comics, I mean graphic novels. Jaysis I laugh my arse off when people actually feel the need to point that out. It’s like when guys try to explain they never played with dolls. They always scream Action! Figure! While desperately clinging to the male version of how Barbie would look if she had had a Y chromosome. If it's plastic and ready to obey you every command, then it's a doll. I probably just described half of the world population, which makes me want to smear my brain up against the wall.
I guess the only reason I’m writing this is because I need human contact, and the computer was closer than the door. Hello my dear cyber friend, you're as good as the real thing right? Right?! God I'm lazy. Anyway it explains my current state of mind. Its very devil may go fcuk himself... I guess this is what happens, when I'm left alone; all of a sudden I'm this total prick, I would wash my soul but soap just won't do the job. Nobody has time for a full on acid cleanse these days anyway.
Lately I've been regretting the fact that I wasted my youth, and I say youth even though I've only spent 20 years dying. I should have been more of a... I'd like to say slut but nobody really want to be a whore. I've had so many chances to "live". What was I so afraid of! What could have gone so horribly wrong, besides ending up with a toe tag. (Details…) I mean looking back at how I was in the early stages I was pathetic; I was Holden without the goddamn red hunting hat. It's embarrassing really. I'm still sort of a basket case but the amount of retard has somewhat lessened. Hopefully. Now that I think about it I didn't really have that many opportunities to "live". What does that even mean? Living. I breathe; on occasion I've even been known to have a few thoughts. I'm alive. Right?
I used this online search engine to find the definition of alive;
In existence or operation,
full of living of moving things,
full of activity of animation
Why do I suddenly feel like I'm living in the matrix? In existence... Those. Bastards. That is a poorly defined definition, it could mean anything, and I refuse to diving head first into an existential ocean of people with way too much time on their hands. I mean, come on, philosophers are really just a bunch of freeloaders sitting around a campfire masturbating over their highly refined ideas of how life is in a shadow realm and the incompetence of the human race. So either you tell me something I don't know or you get-a-real-job! (I don't know why but I suddenly very glad nobody reads my blog)
Even though the definition of alive let me down life can be explained through a more scientific approach. Biology. Well, it's more scientific than Kant. He just pisses me off.
Life;
the condition that distinguishes organisms from inorganic objects and dead organisms, being manifested by growth through metabolism, reproduction, and the power of adaptation to environment through changes originating internally.
Last time I checked I was carbon based, and I do have this nasty habit of eating three times a day. Come to think of it I did adapt fairly well to the whole moving out of mama and papa bears house. So that means I'm... Oh, wait I haven't reproduced. There you have it, I must be dead. Online dictionaries suck ass.
I thought definitions were supposed to make things more clear? If you can define your entire world, then poff you know the meaning of life. But all I got out of it was finding out I'm dead, and that's kind a shock. I think I need to sit down. Can dead people even sit? I have never, not once, seen a zombie sit down; all they ever do is drool, moan and walk around. That does sort of sound like me. Let's just hope my arm doesn't fall off, although that would be a good defense mechanism.
If it hadn't been for the fact that I'm dead I would think my life was fairly boring, aside from the awesome people i surround myself with. However as far as deaths go, mine is pretty rockin'. How many corpses can say they walk around in daylight, drink coffee, and talk to the living without freaking them out? My death is pretty epic. That's probably what happens when you're such a dull person in life, you death sort or has to measure out the suckiness. I'm probably stuck in some sort of limbo until suckiness and awesomeness weight equal the same. I'm not complaining.
I remember when I was alive, I was such a dork. Always on the straight and narrow, at least so some extent. Teenager will be teenager, you know how it is. We all know what keeps you straight (hold on I’m gonna go fill my glass). In my case there were a few factors, you know it's never just that one thing. Mostly it was fear and my mom, but mostly my mom. The thought of mummy dearest going apeshit off the wall, still gives me the gebbies. I'm telling you, had it not been for my mom I would have ended up in a motel down by the freeway snorting coke off some hookers’ ass. Okay probably not but I wouldn't have turn down as much. I regret that, saying no. Sure I had fun, but it was wholesome and clean, all very after school special.
I want to look down at some random kid and tell 'em about "back when". I want the level of "fucked up" to rise to new highs. Give me a past I can be ashamed of in a way that would make Richards proud. I guess what I'm really trying to say is my life is so goddamn average it's killing me. The coroner is probably going to take one look at my remains and state COD: boredom...
So what am I gonna do now? Don’t have the slightest idea.
1 comment:
Jeg liker filosofi.
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